Another day, another dollar, and the whole gets deeper
So here I am driving down the road on my way to work, typing this article on my lap top, *j/k* I was thinking to myself how much I was dreading going to work, and how much I really just hate doing just about anything. I'd seriously rather just lay in bed right now and sleep my whole stinkin life away.
I'm really tired of my job... but it lets me do things like post articles on JU, cuz I really have nothing else to do. I am only part time, but for as much as I work, or should I say as little as I work, and for the amount I make. I can't bring myself to get a full time job, actually doing something, working twice as hard, and making a few peanuts more. So I continue to spin in this rut, thinking nows the time to go to school get my GED, and then be off to college, since this job isn't demanding on me.
Yesterday I was supposed to stop by the college and pick up the testing schedule for the GED, all I really need to do is fork over the money and take the test and be done with it. But yet I didn't freakin go, nope I procrastinated out of that one doing nothing but really just sitting around on my @$$! Waiting for my boyfriend, to go running, take a shower, and then go to dinner... but no I couldn't make myself go get that stupid thing. I sat and waited instead.
Lynne (boyfriend's mom) has a horse, (I used to be the horse craziest of them all right) and I still do love horses very very much, and throughly enjoy riding and being at the barn, if I could rate my happy meter 1- 10 while I was at the barn, it'd be 10 even if I was shoveling crap. And yet I never go there, I passed up riding in the arena down town, *probably cuz my own lack of confidence don't wanna look like an idiot in front of other horse people* regardless of that I never go down to the barn I make up stupid excuses, and kick myself later for not going, when I'm bored off my ass, and depressed because of that.
Omg maybe I just need a perscription, one of those little magic pills that everyone is raving about, don't they have a pill for motivation? They have a pill for everything else, make you beautiful pills, get rid of wrinkle pills, loose weight pills, feel happy pills, fix your car problem pills, *j/k* Maybe I'm really just dealing with depression, but seriously, I don't feel that depressed just utterly no ambition. But then again maybe I am depressed, and that's why I have no ambition.
I drove my friends new car 2004... it was so nice... mine is a 96, and I love my car to pieces, but the 2004 was so, so luxurious... mmm it was sweet, and then these new trailers are so beautiful, gawd if I could have one of those cars and a new trailer maybe i'd be motivated in life, and then I thought for what... to pay the damn bills that comes along with them. ugh! I must be addicted to the instant gratification, that one trainer was talking about in my b/fs motocross training movie... *shrugs* I think I need magic pills and a good ass whoopin!
There I feel a little bit better now.. but I know I'm not going to touch that math book that I set conviently beside the monitor, so I can see it's bright red binder, calling me... staring at me... what do I do... no I don't get motivated and grab it and open it so it'll get off my shoulders... I push it farther back so I can't see it.... out of site out of mind. Slacking is just to easy, I need help!